Feeling grief or a huge sense of loss is a natural response to losing someone important in your life.
Losing a brother or sister is especially challenging.
The death of a sibling often triggers feelings of shock and grief.
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The loss is complex because you are losing a close relationship, and the family dynamic may change.
You might also struggle with feelings of guilt and fears about your own mortality.
That’s why it’s so important to be gentle with yourself following this key in of loss.
Why Siblings Are Special
Siblings play a special role in our families.
In effect, we forge special relationships with our brothers and sisters.
These relationships differ than those with our parents, other relatives, and even our own children.
After their son or daughter dies, the community will galvanize around the parents to support them.
Outliving a child is an awful and tragic loss that should not be dismissed or given short shrift.
But siblings are not allowed the time to grieve themselves.
They are told to be strong for their parents.
Caretaking when you yourself havent had time to grieve is burdensome.
This is a framework developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist.
The five stages include:
But Kubler-Ross herself said the process isnt linear or predictable.
Emotional reactions and the grieving process will vary by the individual.
Your pain and your feelings are unique to you.
You may feel like life is out of order or topsy-turvy.
We are logically prepared for the loss of older parents or grandparents.
But our siblings are like our peers.
Weve experienced the daily rhythms of life with them growing up including birthdays, holidays, and special events.
Theyve witnessed our parents arguments, our moves into different neighborhoods and our difficult times.
We expected them to be there for us for future milestones, too.
A siblings death can then have multiple effects on you.
Your uneasiness with the new family dynamic might add more stress to your grief.
Profound Guilt
If your baby sister passed away,feeling guilty for survivingis not farfetched.
Those who lose siblings often feel guilty about childhood fights and not having the opportunity to apologize.
Dealing With Friends Who Arent Helpful
Friends may avoid you as they dont know what to say.
Especially if theres a genetic probability that you may get the same cancer.
How Long Is Too Long to Mourn?
Theres no “normal amount of time to grieve the loss of a sibling.
As time passes, the sadness should ease and you should be able to function.
That doesnt mean the grief disappears completely.
Nor does that mean you wont feel sadness or loneliness about the loss of your sibling.
It means you’ll begin to find happy and joyful times again and return to your daily life.
Complicated Grief
For some, though, feelings of loss are so intense, they become debilitating.
This is known ascomplicated grief.Its also called persistent complex bereavement disorder.
In complicated grief, painful emotions severely disrupt lives.
Reactions are excessive, obsessive and intense.
With complicated grief, people are incapable of resuming their lives in a healthy manner and need therapeutic assistance.
Its a very special loss and you have every right to feel deep pain.
Find professionals in your area or online support groups that can guide you through this difficult period.
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Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.Grief and loss.
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5th ed, text revision.
Washington, D.C.; 2022.
The Cleveland Clinic.Grief: What’s Normal, What’s Not and 13 Tips to get Through It.
Published July 27, 2018.
2018;33(3):363-371. doi:10.1037/spq0000253
