Verywell / Alison Czinkota
People change.
People take longer to find themselves.
Life will always throw you curveballs you never saw coming.
Verywell / Alison Czinkota
It’s a lot to unpack.
This is a delicate and complicated situation but you will get through it.
So-called “signs” like how your spouse talks, walks, dresses, or looks arenotindications ofsexual orientation.
Nor are sexual preferences, including oral and anal sex.
If your partner isn’t ready to talk about it, accept that truth.
They will come out to you whenever the time is right.
This experience is just as hard for themif not moreas it is for you.
Mixed orientation couples are those in which the partners do not share the same sexual orientation.
Of these, half split up, while the other half stay together for three or more years.
Accept that it takes both of you to make a marriage.
Take care of yourself as you go through the grieving process.
Your relationship has changed.
attempt to accept this reality and move forward.
Be careful about how you tell your children.
You may need professional guidance to deal with this.
Seek out a support group or professional help.
Assume your marriage is over.
Some straight/gay marriages are happy unions.
Blame yourself for “turning” your partner gay.
No one can turn someone else gay.
Let any sense of betrayal or hurt take away from the good times and the positive memories.
Find out which option is the best for you.
A Word From Verywell
The experience of discovering your partner is gay can be overwhelming.
It’s normal to feel distressed, confused, hurt, or even angry.
It is important to also recognize that your partner is likely also experiencingemotional distress.
Buxton AP.Works in progress: how mixed-orientation couples maintain their marriages after the wives come out.Journal of Bisexuality.
2004;4(1-2):57-82. doi:10.1300/J159v04n01_06
