They’ve obviously moved on, so why does it still hurt so much?
It’s normal to feel down.
It can be hurtful to hear about your ex moving on, even if you have already begun dating.
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Learning the news can affect you emotionally, sotake a deep breath.
You might feel a range of reactions.Rejection?
Yup, you’ve got them all.
And that’s totally understandable.
After all, you had hopes for a relationship that didnt work out.
But the truth is that it’s better for your mental health to honor your feelings.
Take time to feel and process things.
Some people feelshameabout the relationship ending and their partner moving on.
Or they become furious with their ex and play theblame game.
It’s important to acknowledge and work through these feelings instead of staying stuck in them.
Others who learn their partner has moved on react by lashing out in anger.
If this applies to you, consider the cause.
Sometimes, we experience anger but what we’re really feeling is grief.
That’s because sometimes it’s just easier to express anger than it is to sit with our sadness.
So, what can you do tomanage your anger?
Try focusing on your thought process.
Don’t engage in distortions, exaggerations, orcatastrophic thinking.
Its naturally uncomfortable, even if it was your idea to break up or get the divorce.
Besides feeling distressed, you might then go home and compare yourself with the new love interest.
Yourself-esteemcould take a hit.
After an unplanned run-in, you might even think your ex is more attractive than before.
Reconciling might come to mind.
For instance, their gaslighting orlove-bombingbehaviors were harmful and should not be tolerated.
It’s best to manage your feelings with a sense ofself-compassionandforgiveness.
Remember that you are both humans.
Buildresilienceand recover from setbacks by exerting self-control, problem-solving, and seeking support.
Assess If You’re Ready to Date
People heal in different ways, at different speeds.
For some folks, havingcasual sexmay be helpful and for others, it may be harmful.
Ask yourself: What feels right?
What will be the most nourishing to your well-being?
Maybe you’re not ready for something serious and you’d prefer todate casually.
It is inherent within you.
Hugs release endorphins,neurotransmittersthat increase our feelings of well-being and pleasure.
Qualified therapists can also give you a safe space to explore your hurt about your ex moving on.
They might recommendreframingtechniques to help you shift your mindset.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
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2020;46(3):413-430. doi:10.1111/jmft.12425
