Learning to control emotions is possible with a little practice and patience.
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Commonemotionalexperiences such as anger, frustration, sadness, oranxietycan impact well-being and decision-making.
Why Can’t I Control My Own Emotions?
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Anytime a person acts before they think, Serani says it can become difficult to control emotions.
The key is to acknowledge your feelings, but to also invite reflection to be part of your process.
Theres a saying, go with your heart, but take your head with you, Serani says.
And they also ignite anxiety and insecurity.
Regrettably, these approaches make us feel helpless and hopeless.
And many find themselves unable to find emotional stability, Serani says.
Can I Control My Own Emotions?
Our feelings are spontaneous and involuntary, which means they happen automatically and reflexively, like a knee-jerk response.
What we can control is what we do with them when they happen, she says.
While the phrase emotional intelligence is commonlyused, Dattilo prefers to useemotional fluency.
Intelligence implies you either have it or you dont.
Fluency is something you gain with practice, like learning a new language, she says.
She adds that feelings are a form of communication, which also fits better with the idea of fluency.
Our emotions alert us to something important, something potentially threatening, or something interesting and exciting.
They arent necessarily good or bad, although wetend to label them that way, Dattilo explains.
Turn Your Attention Outward
While feelings are real, they are intangible.
When feelings are intense, Dattilo says focus on something tangible and physical.
Turning onmusicis another overlooked and simple tool for emotion regulation, she notes.
Music can be uplifting, energizing, soothing, relaxing.
It can change your mood in an instant, says Dattilo.
Dattilo suggests saying, This conversation is important, and I can tell Im/youre becoming upset.
I think we should step away from it for a bit.
However, set aside time to revisit the conversation rather than ignore or avoid it.
Returning to a conversation after a pause can strengthen a relationship, not returning to it can weaken one.
For example, When you look at your phone during dinner, I feel ignored and unimportant.
Can we talk to each other instead?
Generally, five minutes or under is a good time clock measure, she says.
While listening, verify not to speak and aim to hear what others are saying.
By the way, the wordlistencontains the same letters as the wordsilent, says Serani.
For example, Dattilo suggests using statements like Can we agree to discuss this later?
Recap
Emotions get the best of everyone sometimes.
Lerner JS, Li Y, Valdesolo P, Kassam KS.Emotion and decision making.
Journal of Human Behavior in the Social Environment.
2019;29(1):107-124. doi: 10.1080/10911359.2018.1482483
