Verywell / Laura Porter
Navigating conversations with someone in your life who isliving with addictioncan be challenging.
Several communication strategies can help you show support and compassion in a healthy, effective way.
Here are several to use when talking to a loved one with addiction.
Verywell / Laura Porter
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it’s possible for you to accept a person with addiction without accepting their behavior.
Even if you disagree with what they are doing or saying, it’s important to withhold judgment.
By taking this approach, you start to build bridges to forgiveness and aid in their recovery.
You should be ashamed of yourself for abusing alcohol.
Everyone needs help sometimes.
You don’t have to be ashamed of your addiction.
Choose Your Words Thoughtfully
Remember that language matters, and communicate as respectfully as possible.
Some words can negatively influence how people with addiction feel about themselves and theirability to recover.
Avoid promoting harmful stereotypes about addiction.
For instance, people often use the word “clean” to describe someone drug-free.
Use person-first language, such as referring to them as a “person with addiction.”
I can’t believe you’re a junkie.
When are you getting clean?
I’m sorry you’re struggling with addiction.
I am here to help support you.
Before speaking to your loved one, it’s important to understand that addiction is a disorder.
The more knowledge you have about addiction, the better you’ll be able to communicate.
Learn more about addiction from reliable medical sources, and try tounderstand your loved one’s point of view.
Also educate yourself about the stigma surrounding addiction.
Harmful beliefs including that people with addiction are selfish, lazy, and destructive are still common.
Watch your tone of voice and speak to your loved one without using a blaming or accusatory tone.
Each person with addiction is a unique individual with their own experience.
Why don’t you just stop using drugs?
You’re being selfish.
You are still my friend, and I care for you no matter what.
Is there any way I can help?
When someone with addiction confides in you,listen without interrupting or criticizing.
You also don’t have to make their addiction the main focus of every conversation you have.
Continue to ask them about their weekend plans or invite them to see a movie with you.
Speak to them the same way you would someone without addiction.
Remember that they are still a person with likes, dislikes, opinions, and desires.
What are you doing?
You’re notusingagain, are you?
Why aren’t you calling me back?
Hey, do you have any plans this weekend?
I would love to grab dinner if you’re free.
Use Consistent Words and Actions
Communicate through your actions as well as your words.
Remain consistent in your message so your loved one doesn’t misunderstand what you want or expect of them.
You want to communicate your boundaries effectively with someone with addiction.
Communicating with someone with addiction can also be hard if you have a history ofsupporting their addictive behavior.
They might be surprised you are speaking up instead of enabling or ignoring the addiction.
Letting them know that they act in ways that hurt you may even motivate them to get help.
You’re so annoying when you drink.
I can’t even talk to you when you get like this.
I feel disrespected when we have a conversation after you’ve been drinking.
I think it’s best we’re both sober when we interact from now on.
Your perspective on another person’s addiction is not the reality of their experience.
Trust that they know themselves.
If they say they have addiction, believe them.
Someone opening up to you about addiction is likely a sign that they trust you.
Respect how difficult it might be for them to talk about their feelings and behaviors.
You also don’t want to make excuses for them.
Telling them that one drink “doesn’t count,” for instance, will onlyenable their behavior.
Come on, it’s possible for you to have one drink.
I respect that you’re not drinking, and I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself.
They may have unconventional ways of looking at addiction, or maybe they’re experimenting withalternative therapiesor treatments.
Rather than dictating what they must do, ask how you might help.
For instance, saying “Why haven’t you gotten help already?”
or telling them what they “should” and “shouldn’t” do comes across as condescending.
Avoid putting added pressure on them and instead, be a trusted friend that they feel safe with.
You should just quit cold turkey.
It worked for someone else I know.
I want you to feel your best.
I can help you researchtreatment centersor therapists if you’d like.
you might support them while also supporting your own well-being.
Johns Hopkins Medicine.Reducing the stigma of addiction.
2019;54(8):1376-1384. doi:10.1080/10826084.2019.1581221
Pickard H.Responsibility without blame for addiction.Neuroethics.
2017;10:169-180. doi:10.1007/s12152-016-9295-2
American Society of Addiction Medicine.Definition of addiction.
2018;6:e4831.
