There’s more to it than saying, “I’m sorry.”
Relationships can be wonderful buffers against stress, butrelationship conflictscan also cause considerable emotional pain and stress.
Here are some easy steps to help you learn how to apologize sincerely and effectively.
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Know When to Apologize
Knowing when to apologize is as important as knowing how to apologize.
If you feel the other person is being unreasonable, a discussion may be in order.
you might decide where you stand on the apology after that.
Admitting you were wrong can be difficult and humbling.
Take Responsibility
Taking responsibility means acknowledging mistakes you made that hurt the other person.
This is one of the most important and neglected ingredients of most apologies, especially those in the media.
Saying, “When I said [the hurtful thing], I wasnt thinking.
Don’t make assumptions and don’t make a run at shift the blame.
Sincerely apologizing involves making it clear that you regret your actions and that you are truly sorry.
They already feel bad, and theyd like to know that you feel bad about them feeling bad.
What to Say to Make Amends
Whatever you might do to make things better, do it.
If youre not sure what would help, ask the other person.
When you come into conflict with someone, often a boundary is crossed.
It provides a natural segue out of the conflict and into a happier future in the relationship.
That doesn’t mean that you’re admitting that the entire conflict was your fault.
It allows you to establish what you regret about your own actions but confirms your boundaries as well.
It’s important to be fair in your apology, both to the other person and to yourself.
Don’t accept all the blame if it isn’t all your fault.
When we apologize, we’re able to more easily maintain our integrity andforgive ourselves.
The other person may be moved to apologize for their actions as well.
While getting an apology is often nice, it’s important to remember that this doesn’t always happen.
Trying to evoke an apology from the other person is a manipulative tactic that sometimes backfires.
Apologize for your own peace of mind and the other person may be inspired to do the same.
But be sure not to apologize just because you expect an apology in return.
Sometimes this doesn’t happen.
If the apology was sincere and included the necessary ingredients, your chances of forgiveness are greater.
But sometimes the other person just isn’t ready or able to forgive and move on.
Or they may forgive you but remain guarded.
Or they may not realize their own role in the conflict.
you’re able to verify you accept responsibility, express remorse, and reaffirm boundaries.
Keep your apology simple and direct.
If you overdo it, you’ll make it about yourself instead of the person you wronged.
This can createresentment in the relationshipand erode trust.
Not apologizing when you are wrong can be damaging to personal and professional relationships.
It can also lead to rumination, anger, resentment, and hostility that may only grow over time.
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