Verywell / Madelyn Goodnight
Care and Trigger Warning
This article contains content about suicide.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
I dont think Ive ever actively wanted to die.
Verywell / Madelyn Goodnight
Depressionandanxietyhave been parts of my life for at least a decade.
They ebb and flow.
Sometimes one will be more prominent than the other, while other times theyll both be quite high.
Sometimes, both feel manageable.
It was more that I didnt feel bothered about whether Id live or die.
Id take more risks.
I just felt apathetic, with a mindset of whatever happens, happens."
I couldnt really see an end point at which Id feel better again.
It was between my first and second years of university, and every day was the same.
It was a sort of limbo.
I found that getting my doctor to prescribe me antidepressants was difficult, too.
Fortunately, my antidepressants did help.
Sometimes, even now, life gets tricky.
Ill have a fleeting thought cross my mind that suicide would be a way out.
But its not a thought that remains for very long.
Im not alone in my feelings, and theres even a name for it: passive suicidal ideation.
If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, call 911.
However, passive suicidal ideation can become active over time.
It can be helpful to think of suicidal thoughts as existing along a spectrum.
For some people, theyll be passive.
For others, theyll be active.
Lets face it, its not the easiest of times for young people.
They mention social media as a factor, but its not the only one.
Its understandable that the mental health of young people as a collective might not be fantastic.
And then when men do reach out, is there any guarantee that theyll get help?
But this can be dangerous.
Im in a position of relative privilege.
Yet, I still dont find it easy.
Its a difficult time for many people, regardless of age and gender.
Im glad I did; it might have saved my life.
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.Suicide Statistics.
2016;66(651).
doi:10.3399/bjgp16X687313
Ellis K.Identifying and addressing barriers to men seeking help for depression.British Journal of Mental Health Nursing.
2018;7(3):130-136. doi:10.12968/bjmh.2018.7.3.130
