Stonewalling is broadly described by the following behaviors:
Stonewalling is rarely effective.
And, if it becomes a habit, it can reduce a couple’s ability toresolve conflictsor interact intimately.
What Are Signs or Examples of Stonewalling?
Verywell / Madelyn Goodnight
Many times, stonewalling in a relationship is obvious.
Signs of stonewalling can include:
What Does Stonewalling Feel Like?
Recap
Stonewalling is not always easy to recognize.
Causes
While stonewalling can be hurtful, you shouldn’t necessarily assume that it is inherently ill-intended.
At its very heart, stonewalling is often a behavior born out of fear, anxiety, and frustration.
Some reasons a person may resort to stonewalling include:
Stonewalling is oftentimes a tactic learned during childhood.
Within this context, stonewalling may be adefensive mechanismused to compensate for these feelings.
Types of Stonewalling
There are a few different ways that stonewalling might appear in a relationship.
These include:
There are also healthy behaviors that can be mistaken for stonewalling.
It’s important to note that stonewalling is not the same thing as asking for space orsetting boundaries.
Asking for time or space requires communication.
In such cases, you should reach out to a mental health professional for help.
They may even begin to question their own self-worth.
Moreover, shutting someone out often escalates the very situation it was meant to avert.
It either forces a confrontation, or frustrations build to a point where regrettable things are said or done.
Some researchers have suggested that stonewalling is a key predictor for divorce.
Stonewalling behaviors signal an unwillingness to resolve problems central to sustaining the relationship.
Other studies have shown that the behavior can have a direct physiological impact on both partners.
Why Does Stonewalling Damage Relationships?
Stonewalling is a negative and destructive way of communicating.
It often causes people to withdraw from the other person, which harms the emotional intimacy in a relationship.
Is Stonewalling Manipulative or Abusive?
Is Stonewalling a key in of Gaslighting?
Stonewalling can be a form ofgaslightingwhen it is used intentionally to make people question their reality.
Gaslighting involves causing other people to doubt themselves and their experiences.
Being ignored can leave you feeling powerless and useless.
You might blame yourself or even doubt your own interpretation of the situation.
Whether you are the stonewaller or the person being stonewalled, you cannot isolate stonewalling as the problem.
Doing so only assigns blame and ends up diminishing the larger issues in the relationship.
This situation is one where couples counseling can help.
Find out which option is the best for you.
Then, you and your partner will be able to resolve situations rather than react to them.
Couples counseling can be a great place to start.
A mental health professional can help you learn to cope.
Fischer DJ, Fink BC.Clinical processes in behavioral couples therapy.Psychotherapy(Chic).
2016;16(7):965-977. doi:10.1037/a0040239
