You shouldn’t assume your partner will change in order for the relationship to work out.
As you likely know from your own experience, change can be very difficult.
Click below to listen now.
Nikola Stojadinovic / Getty Images
For most people, this will be a deal-breaker.
Regardless of the cause of your partner’s behavior, your safety is the most important consideration.
Talk to someone you trust about the situation and what you could do to protect yourself.
Personality traits such as introversion and extroversion are inborn and aren’t likely to change.
Coping Strategies
Happy relationships rely heavily onpersonality compatibility.
Irritating habits, interests, and behaviors of your partner can ultimately cause friction.
If ignored for too long, resentment will strengthen and one day make you explode.
The good news is that with open and honest communication, theres hope for your situation.
Remember, nobodys perfect, and you also probably have things that your partner would like tochange about you.
Pick Your Battles Wisely
Your relationship is a package deal.
Regardless of how perfect they may have seemed initially, your spouse will always havesome habits that bother you.
Learn to pick your battles and keep your arguments for the more significant issues.
No relationship is entirely free of conflict.
It’s the way you handle the disagreements that makes all the difference.
These can include the tiny things about your partner that rub you the wrong way and lead to nitpicking.
All relationships have concerns that involve personality or temperamental traits and can cause constant conflict.
These unsolvable problems are things you’re free to learn to live with.
Can you stay with this person if things don’t improve?
If you’re feeling somewhat helpless about the situation, consider going to individual counseling.
A counselor or a therapist can help you understand better what role you play in the situation.
If you agree on the most important things, you might always help someone understand different perspectives.
There’s nothing wrong with a friendly debate.
The important thing to remember is to have these conversations respectfully and assume that both parties have good intentions.
Ask yourself if there are any behaviors that they have continued simply because you’re putting up with it?
If so, talk with them before assuming change will happen without you asking for it.
Remember, your partner can’t read your mind.
They may not realize that something is bothering youunless you speak up.
Be open to respecting what they have to say, and appreciate the uniqueness in both of you.
Of course, some things should never be tolerated in a relationship, like abuse or infidelity.
These behaviors should be addressed directly with the help of a professional or by ending the relationship.
Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to feel them completely before you take action.
Is this relationship making me more unhappy than happy?
Consider how others will feel.
How does the breakup affect your family, friends, children, or co-workers?
Is there anyone who might be hurt by this decision?
Lack of communication can lead to arguments, resentment, and a breakdown in trust.
2015 Sep;109(3):490-507. doi:10.1037/pspp0000021.
Gottman J.The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
Ahluwalia H, Anand T, Suman LN.Marital and family therapy.
2018 Feb;60(Suppl 4):S501-S505.