What is not talked about, though, is the symptoms of a serious mental illnessastraumatic experiences.
What Is Trauma?
Someone who is traumatized will have trouble readjusting to life after the trauma.
Massimiliano Finzi / Moment / Getty
All of these symptoms can interfere with daily lifewhich is the difference between a normal stress reaction and trauma.
And this traumatic experience could consist of just about anything.
This follows the simple pattern of traumatic event trauma response.
And in this case, the trauma response is a specific mental illness, PTSD.
So, thats the understood and proven correlation between trauma and mental illness.
A traumatic event can lead to mental illness.
But what about the traumaofmental illness?
I live with schizoaffective disorder, which is basically like ifschizophreniaandbipolar disorderhad a love child.
I had my first psychotic break when I was 22.
It was just like it was actually happening.
I was experiencing these things, these hallucinations, as if they were real life.
That the impossibleand objectively disgustingwas actually possible?
How would you react?
I remember that experience as the day my entire life changed.
I was no longer a normal person who experienced normal things.
Something was seriously wrong.
The world that I knew, that I felt relatively safe in, was no longer safe.
I couldnt trust my senses.
I couldnt trust my relationship with reality.
There was no denying that my life would never be the same.
And isnt that trauma, after all?
Every time I have a hallucination, my brain reacts as though whatever I am seeing is real.
I ducked, terrified, convinced that someone had just tried to assault me.
I had seen him, I had felt the air whoosh past his arms as he reached out.
I knew at that moment that I was in danger, that someone had attacked me.
My heart was pounding, and I could hear the blood pumping past my ears.
But when I stood up, he was gone.
I looked to either side, up and down the aislethere was no sign of anyone having been there.
I sat down behind the bar and cried.
And thats the nefarious part of psychotic symptoms: youbelievethat they are real.
Youreactas though they are real.
Because, for all intents and purposes, theyarereal.
Your blood pressure rises, your brain flips into defense mode, your body physically prepares for danger.
In that moment, the danger is real.
Its just what happens afterward that draws the distinction.
I still look back on that experience, that man trying to grab me, with fear.
I remember it in my body.
It still triggers me.
I have had countless delusions where I am absolutely and utterly convinced that I am in grave danger.
The danger, in those moments, is palpable and real.
I never know if and when my brain will fail me, will turn on me.
Or I might wake up one morning and find that it is impossible to think.
Imagine how terrifying it would be to wake up one day and not be able to think.
Not be able to do your job, not be able to even explain what is happening to you.
Then, imagine how terrifying it would be tonever know when it will happen.
I speak from experience when I say losing yourself in this way is traumatic.
This happened to me about a year ago.
This experience made me question my entire identity.
Am I the skilled writer and editor I have come to associate as my true self?
I spent months in therapy trying to resolve this.
It was truly a traumatic experience, losing myself like that.
And I still carry that fear with me.
Not only do I sometimes and unpredictably fear for my life, I constantly fear for myqualityof life.
I fear for what my mental illness can take away from me.
I fear for the ways it punishes me without warning.
This fear, this uncertainty, this instability?
And thehypervigilancethat followsthe constant preparation for another attackis a clinical and pathological sign of trauma.
I think this is a mistake, and a missed opportunity.
The goal is to recognize, eventually, that the threat was not real.
The best way they can support you is if they know what you are reacting to and why.
They are truly afraid; they are truly triggered; they are truly traumatized.
Trying to convince them that they are not only teaches them not to confide in you.
Instead, ask what they are experiencing.
Let them tell you what is happening to them.
2022 Apr 22;35(2):e100741.
PMID: 35572774; PMCID: PMC9036421.
Center for Substance Abuse Treatment (US).
Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services.
Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 2014.
(Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No.
Section 1, A Review of the Literature.
Available from:https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207192/
