A therapist addresses a common but harmful relationship behavior.
I say things I dont mean.
I always apologize later but I know I hurt her feelings and I know Im damaging our relationship.
Verywell / Catherine Song
How do I stop doing this to her?
Explain that you see the error of your ways.
And you want to work on creating positive change.
Dont point any fingers at your wife.
And dont ask her to communicate differently with you.
Focus on changingyourbehavior, not hers.
Offer an explanation, but not an excuse.
Take responsibility for your emotions and your actions.
Your heart might start to beat fast, or your face may feel hot.
Uncovering the reason that you getdefensivecan help.
Youll likely discover that youre making some incorrect assumptions.
Or when she asks you for help, do you feel like shes asking you for too much?
Spend a little time asking yourself, What does this mean?
when you are tempted to react negatively.
Practice Healthy Communication
Consider whether youreignoring problemsas they arise.
Theres a good chance you dont bring up concerns with your wife when you have them.
Ignoring problems isnt a badge of honor.
You wont get anywhere by pretending issues dont exist.
Dont take a stab at hold a rational conversation when youre feeling really emotional.
Just confirm you hold those conversations when youre both calm.
Get Help If Your Strategies Dont Work
It takes time tocreate new habits.
It will also take hard work to break free of your old patterns.
If you struggle to do it on your own, reach out to atherapist.
