You’re worried about coming on too strong and ruining the delicate connection youre building byoversharing.
The label is often used colloquially and in pop culture to describe those undefined moments in a budding relationship.
While the talking stage can be exhilarating for a time, it often can be filled with dread.
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One or both of you may be seeing other people at the same time.
Not to mention, the threat of being ghosted is thick.
What Even Is the Talking Stage?
You know the talking stage if youre in it.
It is theare we, arent weera of dating.
Im atherapistand I hear from folks navigating the talking stage often.
Typically, theyre in that stage for afew monthsaround three to four, specifically.
Or, even worse, you’ll realize youve been in a years-longsituationshiplater on down the road.
It allows time for you and the person youre dating to get to know each other.
Anticipation and excitement around the relationship can build as you two cultivate your connection through talking.
Yourdealbreakers,nonnegotiables, and commonalities become conversation fodder.
It is also important to pace yourself when getting to know someone.
Rushing into relationships can leave you vulnerable and attached to someone who mightnotbe the right fit.
Both parties must feel ready for more of a commitment to progress to something more defined.
Do these talks give you a rush ofanxiety?
How Do You Know If Youre In the Talking Phase?
This stage is typically what preludes thewhat are wetalk.
Communication is usually heavily dependent upon text, though sometimes people will FaceTime or talk on the phone.
When youre in the talking stage,boundariesarent very clear.
You might feel it is important to continue going on dates with other folks to keep your options open.
Regardless of where you land, you might feel some datinganxietyabout what is to come.
So Youre Talking…Now What?
But there are ways to soothe those understandable nerveshere’s how.
A good talking stage means an official relationship may be on the way.
You might be waiting for responses to your texts for hours or even days.
Plans to meet up in person seldom end up happening.
It feels like youre the one to carry the conversation along.
Or, you might feel bored by the person youre talking to.
And, any chemistry that was firing off over text falls flat when hanging out IRL.
But licensed marriage and family therapistJanell Coxrecommends focusing more on behaviors than words.
We dig into both problemsplus offer coping strategiesdown below.
It’s an all too common experience.
Some prefer to reach out via text message to get clarification on why theghostingoccurred.
If you choose to do so, be super clear on what information you hope to receive.
Is there ever an excuse for ghosting?
Will knowing why this person behaved in an emotionally unavailable manner actually shift your feelings about the situation?
Suppose you feel you should probably give yourself closure in a ghosting situation.
I do wish you had kindly let me know you were no longer interested.
Regardless, this will be my last communication.
Unfortunately, I am not feeling the connection I’m looking for but I wish you all the best.
This is an opportunity to be direct and ask the other person their feelings.
A conversation can nip this conundrum in the bud.
How Dating Apps Exacerbate the Talking Stage
Then, theres thedating appsof it all.
FYI
However, the apps can make the talking stage even more nebulous.
Some can be allured by the illusion of endless options dating apps offer.
We dont blame you.
Theres an art to navigating this delicate decision.
If there has beenemotional intimacyestablished, this wont be as hard, explains Janell.
If you need a quick script to start off the conversation, Janells got you covered.
It’s a bump ride full of twists and turns but one you should enjoy nonetheless.
Wu K, Bamishigbin O.
When silence speaks louder than words: Exploring the experiences and attitudes of ghosters.Personal Relationships.
2020;17(18):6500. doi: 10.3390/ijerph17186500
