When one or both of you are not responsive, you may have a problem.
If the lack of listening continues, it could be asign that your marriage is in jeopardy.
What’s Behind These Listening Problems?
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Remember, it’s easy to blame your spouse, but often, faulty communication is a two-way street.
“This jot down of issue usually involves both individuals in the relationship.
A listening problem in a relationship could be related to many different issues.
If you feel your partner isn’t listening, it’s worth telling them that.
Don’t assume they know what you’re thinking.
They may have no idea that you’re feeling ignored.
That said, you also need to share what is true for you.
Common Communication Breakdowns
Often, how we say things is just as important as what we say.
Too Many Words
You may be taking too long to say what you want to say.
This can be frustrating or boring for your conversation partnerand your meaning can get lost in all those words.
Aim to get to the point.
Still, a loving partner should be patient enough to hear what’s on your mind.
Monopolizing
Your spouse will probably zone out if they are rarely getting a chance to talk.
In your attempt to get them to listen, you may inadvertently monopolize conversations.
Good conversations allow both people to contribute.
Examine how you listen when your spouse is discussing an important topic with you.
Model the listening you want to see from your partnerthey may follow suit.
Even if you aren’t doing this intentionally, it’s still important to ensure being straightforward.
Honesty can be scary, but it’s vital for engaged conversation and marriage.
Say what you mean.
Ask for what you want.
Own your feelings, and give space for your partner’s thoughts, desires, and emotions as well.
But being the professor or attorney in your marriage will not help you get heard.
Rather, being preachy is likely to garner resentment.
Instead, clearly explain your concerns or questions without asserting that you know best.
Then, let your partner speak.
Don’t assume you already know all the answers or that your opinions are the only right ones.
Either way, they are unlikely to be helpful in making yourself heard.
Poor Timing
Another issue could be that your timing may simply be off.
Tell your spouse you want to talk, and ask if it is a good time.
If your spouse says no, respect thatand set up a better time.
If you keep raising old issues or topics, consider why you’re doing this.
Are there lingering issues that need to be resolved?
Is there something it’s possible for you to’t forgive, solve, or let go?
If so, have that talk, and then put the issue to rest.
Aim to let things go once you’ve already hashed them out.
Excessive Negativity
Does your spouse complain that you are always complaining, whining, or speaking negatively?
You may feel justified or think that’s their way of deflecting attention on their own negativity.
Either way, consider your tone and the way you address the topics you bring up.
Always focusing on the negative (even when it’s justified) can cause others to tune you out.
Instead, try focusing on solutions rather than dwelling on problems.
Not listening could be a way that they cope or attempt to avoid these reactive fights.
Pause and take a break if either of you gets too angry to continue talking productively.
Remember that you love each other.
2018;6:e4831.
2018;32(6):762-772. doi:10.1037/fam0000421
