Gaining insight intoyour attachment stylecan be the first step towards creating a new narrative for yourself.
According to decades of research,children have an innate desire to look for support when exposed to stress.
Safety feels continuous and true.
Maria Korneeva / Getty Images
Our needs will be believed.
For clients who are struggling with an anxious attachment style, it helps to reframe behaviors with more spaciousness.
Your over-sensitivity to mood shifts is simply ahypervigilantmechanism to scan for dangers in the relational environment.
One of the biggest tools?
Repeating the pattern is not sharing your needs and then feeling resentful when people cant read your mind.
And if someone in your life isnt consistently meeting your needs?
Map Out and Share Your Insecurities
A lot of our thoughts tend to be automatic and reflective.
I knew it, Im not good enough for them.
I saw them look at me weirdly the other day.
I wish someone could want me as much as I want them.
Im going to get dressed and go out, thatll make them jealous!
Mindful Moment
Need a breather?
If you might’t manage those negative thoughts, the biases can run wild.
Most likely, these beliefs reflect an insecurity instead of the truth.
Its the classic cliche in dating: the pursuer and the pursued.
Once youve experienced this level of safety, its hard to accept any less.
When you cry, they wipe your tears.
When you’re scared, they’re able to work with your feelings.
They encourage and champion you when you share yourself.
Turn away from detached behavior and those who cant be affectionate and forthcoming with their feelings and thoughts.
There isnt a consistent deepening of conversation before it moves back into topical discussion.
Clarified Boundaries
Look for safety in sharing acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a relationship.
You may feel like the connection could dissolve at any point.
Some days, it will be easy, and other days, it will require deliberate effort.
Bosmans G, Borelli JL.Attachment and the development of psychopathology: introduction to the special issue.Brain Sci.
2022;12(2):174.
Roisman GL, Padron E, Sroufe LA, Egeland B.Earned-secure attachment status in retrospect and prospect.Child Dev.
2002;73(4):1204-1219.
Corrective emotional experience - an overview| sciencedirect topics.
2017;33(5):590-599.
Benson K.Small things often create secure attachments: an interview with Amir Levine, MD.
2020;34(1):93-114.
