Sometimes, it’s like you have ~nothing~ in common.
Other times, you forget they think and operate differentlytheir brains aren’t fully developedwhich makes connectingthatmore difficult.
(Btw, thebrain finishes developingand maturing in the mid-to-late 20s with the prefrontal cortex maturing last).
Verywell Mind / Getty Images
All of this makes chatting with a seven-year-old a bit difficult.
But there are ways to make connecting between us adults and kids super easy.
Parent-child relationshipsare multidimensional, so sometimes children want you close.
This goes for little ones, teens, and even older adult children.
A great way to slowly bridge this communication gap is bypracticing empathy.
Other Ways to Connect
Structured activities are great ways to connect with children.
I always recommend staying focused on the childs interests first.
check that you truly understand their perspective before offering your own stories, she adds.
If they want more, they will let you know by asking for more information.
So the trick to talking to kids is to let them lead the social dance steps.
If they arent ready for advice, respect that boundary, says Moran Marsh.
Ask questions from a place of genuine curiosity rather than trying to steer the conversation.
Rapid-fire questions, especially if they come across as interrogative, will almost certainly backfire.
Tip:Ask one question and let the child answer before asking another.
Based on their response, youll know if they want more connection, advice, or a listening ear.
You wouldn’t ask a five-year-old the same questions you’d ask a teenager, right?
This could include movies, sports teams, social media influencers, or seasonal events like Halloween.
Taking an interest in their world and offering honest feedback creates a more natural dialogue, says Moran Marsh.
Ask questions like: Tell me what we can do together?
or What happened on Bluey today?
This shows humility and opennessqualities that children appreciate, Moran Marsh adds.
This can help break down barriers and foster connection.
or Did you finish your homework?
Instead, focus on their thoughts and feelings.
Refrain from entering the conversation with a hidden agenda, says Moran Marsh.
Getting help from a mental health professional (see below for some recs!)
can help families work through these conversations.
Find out which option is the best for you.
Bottom Line
Ultimately, connecting with children takes a bit more work and a lot more intention.
It’s just not the same aschatting with your bestieor partner.
But that doesn’t make it impossible.
Just think of yourself when you were a childwhat did you like to do or talk about?
The secret to connecting with children isn’t complicated or hard.
Just be a kid!
National Institute of Mental Health.The teen brain: 7 things to know.
Whitaker RC, Dearth-Wesley T, Herman AN.Parent-child connection and the development of flourishing.Academic Pediatrics.
2022;149(6):e2021055263.
doi:10.1542/peds.2021-055263
Guerrero LK, Afifi WA.What parents dont know: Topic avoidance in parentchild relationships.
In:Parents, Children, and Communication: Frontiers of Theory and Research.
Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc; 1995:219-245.
