What it takes to reignite that spark
Verywell / Bailey Mariner
Picture the first few years of your relationship.
Everything feels like a dream, and you’re free to’t keep your hands off each other.
A sexless marriage is one in which there is little to no sexual activity between the partners.
Some experts consider a marriage sexless ifsexual intimacy is lackingfor a year or more.
If both partners are okay with this key in of relationship, it doesn’t call for concern.
But often, one or both partners become frustrated or hurt by the loss of physical intimacy and sex.
Here’s an overview of some common reasons for a sexless marriage.
Health concerns and disability can also disrupt the physiological process of arousal in both sexes.
Spending post-childbirth time without sex typically wouldn’t be considered a true “sexless marriage.”
Stress
Excessive stress can wreak havoc on your sex drive.
The stress hormone cortisol plays a role in this process.
When cortisol levels increase, sex hormones decrease, ultimately reducing your desire for sex.
During stressful periods, cortisol levels are roughly nine times higher than when you feel relaxed.
This can contribute to a sexless marriage.
Additionally, these effects overall tend to be stronger for married individuals than those in dating relationships.
People who have ED symptoms should always talk to a physician to rule out an underlying health condition.
A variety of factors can contribute to HSSD development.
Medication Side Effects
Many medications have sexual side effects.
This includes alcohol and nicotine, but also cocaine, marijuana, and heroin.
All these factors can have an effect on a person’s desire for sex and physical intimacy.
Whether you consider a low-sex or no-sex marriage an issue is entirely up to you and your partner.
There is no right amount of sex in a marriage.
Communicate
Talk with your partnerabout the issue of low or no sex in your marriage.
It may be difficult, but this communication is necessary.
Even otherwise strong relationships can have problems with sex and intimacy.
It isn’t necessarily a sign that your marriage is weak or in trouble.
Would you be open to talking more about this?"
As you talk, aim to determine ways you both think can rekindle your sex life.
Making a change will only work if both of you agree to change and work together.
It may sound unromantic, but it can also be exciting and special if done the right way.
Scheduling gives you something to look forward to and shows a commitment to one another and your physical relationship.
Physical intimacy doesn’t only involve sex.
Make an effort to renew your love and create that special spark.
Being close, both emotionally and physically, is an important part of ahealthy relationship.
And it’s important to note that physical intimacy isn’t limited to sex.
You might try a marriage retreat, workshop, or seminar to help with communication and connection.
Consult a healthcare provider to address any underlying medical conditions that may be impacting your sex life.
Seek support from a mental health professional together or separately to foster communication skills or learn stress management techniques.
Your therapist can work with you to address any issues that are standing in the way of intimacy.
Take these opportunities to focus on building a stronger, deeper marriage.
Will a Sexless Marriage Lead to Divorce?
Making thedecision to end your marriagecan be very complex.
Keep in Mind
Whether being in a sexless marriage is a dealbreaker depends on the couple.
There are many reasons that a relationship can become sexless, and many are treatable.
Manzenreiter W, Holthus B (Eds).Happiness and the Good Life in Japan.
Johns Hopkins Medicine.Keep the spark alive in your marriage.
Sexual Medicine Society of North America.Coping with mismatched sex drives.
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.A partner’s guide to pregnancy.
Yeniel AO, Petri E.Pregnancy, childbirth, and sexual function: perceptions and facts.Int Urogynecol J.
2014;25:5-14. doi:10.1007/s00192-013-2118-7
Cleveland Clinic.Low libido (low sex drive).
2016;2:16003. doi:10.1038/nrdp.2016.3
National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases.Symptoms & causes of erectile dysfunction.
American Sexual Health Association.Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD).
2016;4(2):103-120. doi:10.1016/j.sxmr.2015.11.009
National Library of Medicine.Drugs that may cause erection problems.
Montejo AL.Sexuality and mental health: The need for mutual development and research.J Clin Med.
2020;3(6):e203833.
doi:10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2020.3833
Yabiku ST, Gager CT.Sexual frequency and the stability of marital and cohabiting unions.J Marriage Fam.
2014;114:327-333. doi:10.1016/j.sbspro.2013.12.706
Velten J, Margraf J.Satisfaction guaranteed?
How individual, partner, and relationship factors impact sexual satisfaction within partnerships.PLOS ONE.
2017;12(2):e0172855.
2013;2(2):131-145. doi:10.1037/a0032025
