Those are the words of Sean Kelly, a dad of two.
Of course, initial fear at the possibility of parenthood isnt a uniquely disabled experience.
However, for disabled parents there is an added layer.
Thomas Barwick / Getty Images
Jackson survived an explosion that killed his wife and led to an amputated leg.
Your children, they’re used to seeing you one way.
And then when they see you differently, it becomes harder for them to grasp and understand.
And even though I grasped that pretty early, it was difficult for him to do that.
So, we had to talk about it.
Sean Kelly
If I tell her, Oh, Daddy can’t do that.
She doesn’t question it, she doesn’t ask why, she doesn’t really get upset.
She just kind of accepts it.
He was becoming more and more accepting of it.
However, there was this air of embarrassment.
And now everybody’s going to look at him.
And then my friends are going to come to me and asking me questions,'" says Kelly.
Kelly says that his two young childrenbecause theyve never known anything differentarent resistant to the tasks he cant tackle.
He puts that down toableist societynot clouding how they view their dad.
If I tell her [his daughter] Oh, Daddy can’t do that.
She doesn’t question it, she doesn’t ask why, she doesn’t really get upset.
She just kind of accepts it.
Freethy puts that difference in experience down to how society tends to view those with disabilities.
For those who spoke their experiences, however, disabled joy is part of the picture.
Ryan Kules became disabled as a veteran in Iraq.
He says that his transition to parenthood included making being a dad part of his plan.
Tiran Jackson
Your children, they’re used to seeing you one way.
And then when they see you differently, it becomes harder for them to grasp and understand.
It was about nine months after the accident.
And for a couple days I just beat myself up, and just was in a really bad place.
And then at some point, I just processed it.
And I felt almost better.
He says now he doesnt have the same fear with his younger son.
I don’t have that fear anymore.
Because it happened already.
Freethy says these kinds of reaction are typical for disabled dads.
“Every parent experiences a tremendous amount of guilt.
‘Am I doing things right?
Am I messing up my kid,’ all that kind of stuff.
But disabled parents are hyper, hyper self-critical and hyper-analytical of [themselves].
I think that there’s no playbook as far as how to be a good parent.
Jacksons advice is to focus on knowing yourself first.
What This Means for You
Being a disabled father does not make you less than.
Being a disabled father, and sitting with associated fear, looks like it’s a natural experience.
