Fear of intimacy can stem from several causes, including certain childhood experiences such as ahistory of abuseor neglect.
Fear of Intimacy vs. ## What Causes Fear of Intimacy?
These fears are generally rooted in past childhood experiences and triggered by the here-and-now of adult relationships.
Verywell / Nusha Ashjaee
This leads to confusion if a person focuses on examining the relationship solely based on present-day circumstances.
Fear of intimacy can also be linked to anxiety disorders.
Fear of Abandonment
Those who areafraid of abandonmentworry that their partner will leave them.
Anxiety Disorders
The fear of intimacy may also occur as part of asocial phobiaorsocial anxiety disorder.
Some experts classify the fear of intimacy as a subset of these conditions.
The fear does not usually cause major difficulties unless a person truly longs for closeness.
Here are some specific behaviors that are commonly seen.
The pattern that emerges is many short-term relationships.
This leads to the need to be “perfect” to prove oneself lovable.
Again, this may stem from feeling undeserving of another’s support.
On one side, a person may avoid physical contact completely.
On the other, they may seem to have a constant need for physical contact.
The Fear of Intimacy Scale is one measurement that can help objectively assess the condition.
You may find that you oughta try several therapists before you find a match.
A therapist can assist with these individual concerns as well.
Find out which option is the best for you.
Accept Uncertainty
Those who fear intimacy ultimately fear the consequences of a relationship that turns sour.
It’s important to accept the fact that there are no guarantees in life or in human relationships.
Every connection with another person is ultimately a gamble.
Despite that, social relationships are a basic driving goal of human existence.
You will be able to set appropriate boundaries to avoid engulfment and cope with abandonment if it comes along.
Practicing self-compassion may sound easy to some, but for others, it’s not always intuitive.
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Think about the messages you received in your family and compare these with the messages youshouldhave received.
Rather than accepting that critic, make a run at catch yourself casting negative self-judgments.
Look to see where they are coming from and challenge and correct them when you could.
Look at Your Goals
What do you really want in life?
Do you want a long-term intimate relationship?
If so, how have you pushed people away in the past?
Give Yourself Time
Overcoming a fear of intimacy doesn’t happen overnight.
Even when you feel like you have gained ground, you will inevitably have setbacks.
Grant yourself forgiveness when this happens and speak kindly to your inner self.
Try not to view your fear as a character flaw.
Research has also shown that positive relationship experiences can be beneficial for those who have issues with intimacy.
Having such positive experiences may improve your ability to form intimacy over time.
Setbacks are perfectly normal and to be expected.
Establishing safety and trust is of utmost importance so that your loved one can begin to open up.
attempt to not react personally or with anger if your loved one tries to push you away.
Recognize that they are not rejecting you, but rather that they fear you will reject them.
Their upbringing may cause them to interpret an action in a completely different way than you would.
Regular reminders of your love, through both words and actions, are important.
Don’t assume your partner “feels” loved.
Rather, create an environment that supports the fact that they are deserving of it.
Most importantly, let your partner know that overcoming the fear is a team effort.
While you are likely curious, it’s not important for you to understand how this all started.
It’s also usually triggered by positive emotions instead of negative ones.
2011;40(1):123135. doi:10.1080/15374416.2011.533414
