That’s where family conflict resolution comes in.
Communication is like chess where every move one person makes influences the choices of the other, says Reardon.
A good rule of thumb is to not say what you would normally say in response to any provocation.
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In other words, tweak what you normally do.
Then you wont just slip into conflict.
Above all, dont be predictable.
When were predictable, those who want to argue can maneuver us into doing just that.
All families and most friends bring with them emotional baggage from the past, explains Reardon.
InComebacks at Workwe describe how this leads to URPS (unwanted repetitive episodes) in conversation.
After Alan said, Thats a stupid idea, Eleanor was at a choice point, explains Reardon.
She reacted in the way many people would.
But, she could have altered this conversation.
But hear me out.
Instead of reacting to Alan with an attack, she chose to bypass that option, Reardon points out.
Instead, she allowed that he may have a point but hell think differently when she finishes speaking.
This is responding rather than reacting, she says.
It gives the other person a chance to rethink whether he or she wants to argue.
Its a gift of sorts to be accepted or not the other persons choice point.
Most people respond to such generosity in conversation with returned generosity.
You may be surprised at how quickly things can change.
And when all else fails,extra-strong listening skillshave helped de-escalate many a conflict.
