At a Glance
Having a loved one with a substance use disorder can be stressful and all-consuming.
What Is Detachment?
Detachment means creating a boundary and stopping reacting to the other person’s behaviors.
FatCamera / Getty Images
This process involves stepping back and avoiding enabling behaviors.
By detaching, family members separate themselves from the chaos that addiction brings.
They also detach emotionally from the situation.
Detachment is similar in some ways to other family interventions, such as theCRAFT method.
CRAFT encourages family members to use positive reinforcement to encourage good behaviors and employ natural consequences.
This is especially true when you have tried everything possible to keep the situation from growing worse.
The stress and exhaustion associated with caring for someone with an addiction can be overwhelming.
It may lead to anxiety, depression, and unhealthy behaviors or unsafe living conditions for your family.
The reality ofliving with alcoholismor any other addiction usually often means dealing with one crisis after another.
It also helps you understand that there is no way for you to control the addiction.
It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching.
Instead, it demonstrates that you don’t like or approve of their behavior.
It is stepping back from all the problems associated with addiction and stopping any attempts to solve them.
You still care, but it is best for everyone involved if youtake care of yourselffirst.
Many times, family members find that they have become too involved with the addictive behavior.
It also applies to making excuses and trying to fix situations, as well as avoiding arguments.
By putting the focus back on yourself, you protect yourself from the abusive behavior andstop enablingit.
Ideally, detaching from this person will help them see how their negative behavior affects everyone around them.
Does Detachment Really Help?
Or, you might have fears about what crisisjail, hospitalization, death, etc.may be next.
Your concerns are valid and show your love and dedication to a person dealing with addiction.
However, you have to put yourself and your familyespecially if that family includes childrenfirst.
Al-Anon members also learn that no individual is responsible for another person’s disease or recovery from it.
They need to want to change themselves and find the help needed to do that.
This will not happen overnight.
It requires time, a lot of patience and love, and support to help you along the way.
As they say in the program, “It’s simple, but it ain’t easy.”
You don’t have to do it alone.
Provide information and encouragement.
Remind them how much they have to gain if they talk to a professional and start the treatment process.
Al-Anon Family Groups.Detachment (S-19).
Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation.How to help an addict by detaching with love.
2015;24(3):155-165. doi:10.1080/1067828X.2013.777379
