I know Im not alone here.
Confronting someone with assertiveness is quite different than confronting someone with aggression, she says.
At its core, the desire to confront conflicts actually often comes from a place of caring.
Kosamtu / E+ / Getty
Ultimately, healthy confrontation can actually strengthen your relationship with the person you are confronting.
A conflict left unchecked festers, Alvarez shares.
Thats why you shouldnt wait to address them.
It is easier to address issues as they arise with a healthy, problem-solving approach, Alvarez explains.
Alvarez urges people to think of conflicts as normal parts of life.
But that doesnt mean its an easy or comfortable thing to do.
For one thing, confrontation brings up fears of rejection and loss, says Alvarez.
People tend to worry that theyll say the wrong thing or not know what to say altogether.
Additionally, many of us worry that if we bring up something difficult, it makes us adifficult person.
But this isnt always the case, says Zakeri.
It’s also important to consider the context, and that the idea that being difficult can be subjective.
For instance, marginalized folks are often unfairly labeled as difficult, Alvarez points out.
But how best to approach it?
Here are some expert-driven tips.
and does not have to beaggressivelike I am upset with something that you did, Zakeri explains.
it’s possible for you to begin a confrontation with a question seeking clarity instead of an accusation.
Make a Plan
Confrontation works best when you go in with a plan, Alvarez emphasizes.
Role-play what you plan to say to see how it feels, she says.
Do this until you are comfortable.
Use I Statements
Sticking toI statementscan be extremely effective when confronting someone, says Williams.
Consider using the formula I feel ____ when ____ because ____.
What I need is ______, Williams suggests.
In most cases, the relationship is going to get stronger because of it, Zakeri reminds.
As such, taking a growth mindset approach to confrontation and relationship building is the way to go.
But when this happens, you miss important details, she says.
Sometimes, some serious challenges can arise.
Overton AR, Lowry AC.Conflict management: difficult conversations with difficult people.Clin Colon Rectal Surg.
2013;26(4):259-264. doi:10.1055/s-0033-1356728
Ronquillo Y, Ellis VL, Toney-Butler TJ.Conflict Management.
StatPearls Publishing; 2024.
2018;6:e4831.
doi:10.7717/peerj.4831
Ng B.The Neuroscience of Growth Mindset and Intrinsic Motivation.Brain Sci.
2018;8(2):20. doi:10.3390/brainsci8020020
