But this week were doing things a little bit differently.
In this episode, though, we are taking a different approach.
There is tons of helpful insight in this episode, so let’s dive into some of your questions.
Verywell / Minaa B.
I feel lonely what should I do?
You’re not a part of a solid friend group.
Dealing with loneliness can be extremely hard.
It sounds like here you have some childhood wounds that might still need tending to.
As adults, we all know that age does not equal maturity.
What kind of love did you receive as a child?
What kind of support did you need as a child that you feel that you didn’t get?
And how can you now start to show that to yourself?
Sometimes we can have negative core beliefs, which sounds like, “I’m not good enough.
I’m not worthy.
I’m a failure.”
Consider your standards
The second thing I want you to think of is, what are your standards?
You’re investing in someone, but you’re not necessarily receiving a return on your investment.
You find that people aren’t showing up for you.
When you find that people aren’t showing up for you, it can create unsatisfying relationships.
And what about building new connections andfriendshipsas you move forward?
It ruptures your sense of safety in that relationship as well.
What I feel by this one person is valid.
I want you to be thinking about the different ways that the other friends are showing up for you.
I want you to be thinking about what trust looks like for you in a friendship?
I want you to be thinking about, is there respect?
Is there reciprocity in that relationship?
This is someone who is nottrustworthy, and someone I cannot move forward with."
Are the two connected?
And how can I better cope now in advanced age?"
You bring up a really important question.
The answer is yes.
Dealing with depression can be a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder.
So I hear you outline childhood and also Vietnam.
Consider your stressors
Stressors could look like, one, aging.
It could look like a disruption to your relationships.
It could look like circumstances that are really stressful, and these things can also lead to depression.
I also hear you saying, during childhood.
And when that childhood trauma is not treated, it can impact us for the rest of our lives.
I wonder what would it look like for you to get some therapeutic support?
What does self-regulation look like for you?
Another thing that I encourage you to think about is, what are your self-regulation and co-regulation practices?
So what does self-regulation look like for you?
This could look like engaging the body through breathwork.
Breathwork can be one way to engage in self-regulation.
you might take yourself on walks and engage in nature.
And doing other practices with yourself really helps to put you in a calm state.
Co-regulation is when we use someone else’s nervous system to calm our nervous system down.
Thus, I’m curious to know, what does your community look like?
And so you are at a high risk of experiencing loneliness at this particular age.
What does your community look like?
Do you have a support system?
I think this is something that so many people experience and struggle with.
Maybe the only way for me to repair this rupture is for me to exit the friendship.
I don’t have to leave this relationship with toxicity.
It might help to use discernment in figuring out, ‘You know what?
Are there other areas where I do satisfaction in this relationship?
This area brings me so much joy.
It helps me thrive.
It nourishes me, and it makes me want to stay connected to you.
Hearing this jot down of advice can be really, really hard.
Or, “If you keep looking, no one’s going to come up.
They’ll come at a different time.”
So I want to start there.
This maybe makes me feel invalidated.
It doesn’t feel like my feelings are being validated when you say that.
It’s not landing in a supportive way.
Honor the different emotions that are coming up for you around what it looks like to be single.
But how can you be proactive about these feelings?
Because sometimes we struggle with being single because we tell ourselves really negative narratives around singleness.
How can you accept and embrace how your life is now?
What does it look like to do the thing, like, take yourself on a date?
What does it look like to treat yourself to things that you know you’re deserving of?
How can you make this season of your life fun?
This is a really good question because I’m sure so many people can relate to this.
First off, stress impacts the nervous system.
It can be really hard to say, “I feel sad right now.”
Or, “I feel angry right now.”
Or, “I feel joyful.”
you’re able to say to yourself, “You know what?
As long as I’m a seven, I feel like I’m good.”
I might not feel euphoric, but I will be at peace.
I will have ease in my life."
On Navigating stress
Stress is one of those things that can feel really tricky because sometimes stress isgood stress.
It might bring greater awareness to the fact that we have things that are urgent.
It might bring greater awareness to things that we’re passionate about.
It might even bring greater awareness to things that we really have to give our energy and attention to.
And so when we tackle those things, we can eliminate those problems.
This is what problem-solving looks like.
or “Is this a particular issue in my life that I actually control over?”
If it is, then that means I need to engage in problem-solving coping.
That means tackling the issue and providing a solution to the problem.
Try Emotion-Focused Coping
But there’s another way that we can cope with stress called emotion-focused coping.
And this is where radical acceptance comes in.
It says, “What is my emotional response to this thing?
It does make me angry.
It does make me rageful.”
Radical acceptance does not mean dismissing how you feel.
It does not mean pretending your problems don’t exist.
That continues to make us feeloverwhelmedbecause that problem is always going to be in the background of life.
Thats All For This Season!
And that is also all for Season 2 of the Verywell Mind podcast.
We hope you’ll join us again for the next season of the Verywell Mind podcast.
