Whats wrong with me?
Megan, 29
Amys Answer
You likely see peoples potential.
And you naturally want to help them be their best.
Verywell / Catherine Song
But, you cant fix people who dont want to change their own lives.
Why Were Attracted to Certain People
Theres a reason youre attracted to people with problems.
Your relationships with your parents might be the first place to look for clues.
Perhaps you had a mother who dated men who needed to be fixed.
And by watching her, you learned that love means fixing peoples problems for them.
Or maybe your father was a great guy who was battling serious problems.
And now, you date men who remind you of your father.
Theres also the possibility that “fixing people” is a great distraction from your own life.
Spend a little time reflecting on the possible reasons you date people whom you think need your help.
If you cant figure it out on your own, talk to a therapist.
Talking to someone might help you connect the dots.
Of course, you likely see the best in the men you date.
And you probably know they have serious potential if it werent for their problems.
You cant fall in love with someones potential.
Work on Yourself
Are you ever not in a relationship?
Its important to have some time where you just focus on yourself.
During those times,set goals, engage in hobbies, and spend time with friends and family.
Working on yourself will help you become a better partner when you are in a relationship.
And that is key to developinghealthier relationshipsdown the road.
Watch for Red Flags
Keep an eye out forserious red flags.
Some to watch out for include:
Everyone has problems in life.
And theres nothing wrong with dating someone who is invested inself-improvement.
But when you encounter someone who acts helpless, dont do their work for them.
You arent actually helping someone if you intervene and do things they could do for themselves.
Doing things for people that they could do for themselves isenabling, not helping.
Commit to only helping people who are invested in helping themselves.
Remind yourself that current compatibility is more important than future potential.
