What should I do?
But clearly, doing too much for your mother is causing hard feelings.
Take a step back for a minute to think about why your mom might be insisting on your help.
Verywell / Catherine Song
You might discover that her insistence on getting help is really just a symptom of another problem.
For example, is she asking for help because shes lonely and wants you to visit?
If thats the case, her actions are backfiring.
She may be unintentionally pushing you away in her attempts to draw you closer.
Visiting her more often may help her feel less lonely.
You may need to set firm limits with her and encourage her to help herself.
Saying no and encouraging her to take action empowers her to do things for herself.
Say, Mom, I know you’re free to change that lightbulb.
Give it a try and let me know how it goes.
A little encouragement might go a long way.
Any resistance you get might also give you some insight into what your mom is dealing with.
If she has any safety concerns about doing something on her own, talk to her about the concerns.
Establish Healthy Boundaries
Its okay to say no to your mothers requests for help.
If you do decide you want to help, set the rules on when youll do it.
Its okay to say youll do something next weekend.
You dont have to jump up right away just because she asks you to.
You might also set some limits on how much work you do or how often you do it.
Offer Alternative Resources
You might also give her other resources so she can get help.
Manage Your Guilty Feelings
Just because you feel guilty, doesnt mean you did anything wrong.
Saying no to your mom doesnt make you a bad person.
If your mom tries to lay on a guilt trip, point out what is going on.
Dont go back on your word just because your mother tugs at your heart strings.
Doing so will only reinforce to her that she can manipulate you by causing you to feel guilty.
