Ive done it alone, in groups, and as family therapy with my dad after my mom died.
(Whatperfectionism?!)
My hunch was that this wasnt the only place this theme was showing up in her life.
Verywell / Dennis Madamba
Unpackingthatwas just as helpfulif not more so!than whatever activity Id asked her to try.
Intellectualizing Doesn’t Mean You’re Just Really Smart (Sorry!)
Ive been writing about mental health and reading studies for fun since long before I became a therapist.
It barely registered for me that maybe intellectualizing wasnt the compliment I thought it was.
It wasnt until grad school that I learned that intellectualization is actually adefense mechanism, just like denial.
Intellectualizing keeps you in your head, not your heart.
The annoying truth is that emotions are actually far simpler than we give them credit for.
I feared telling therapists about things I felt that sounded petty or immature.
I was so afraid that shed say, THATS whats been holding you back?
No, she said.
My therapist and I once did a walk-and-talk session.
As we neared where we would part ways, my pulse raced, seemingly out of nowhere.
Maybe youre feeling anxious about us ending?
Um, NO, I said very indignantly.
That was just how therapy worked; it was 50 minutes, and then it ended.
That is, thats what I felt on a conscious level.
At that time, I was mostly seeing my therapist via telehealth with occasional in-person appointments outside.
I think this lack of explanation actually hurts both clientsandtherapists.
Although I have training and education, that only makes me an expert in psychology.
Youre the expert of your own life.
I might have too blindly trusted some therapists.
I dont want tosayI saw them as infallible…but I did.
I assumed if they said something that hurt or stung, it was something I needed to hear.
Its easier that way, he would say, exasperated by watching us fight.
Wow, you look like you really want to tell me to f off right now, she said.
No, I dont…
I started weakly protesting, once again intellectualizing.
I understand why you were saying that, but…
I can see it all over your face, Theodorayourepissedat me.
I can take it,andI will still be here and wont hold it against you.
I feel so uncomfortable feeling so seen.
to see, but that I knewneededto be seen.
But there will also be times when a therapist might say something wildly off base.
Although a misguided comment hopefully had good intent behind it, the impact is what matters more in therapy.
6.Smith R, Alkozei A, Killgore WDS.How do emotions work?Front Young Minds.
