It’s not always obvious
Look, Ive done it and I bet youve done it too.
Something your partner did makes you A-N-G-R-Y.
But instead of simply saying, Im super freaking angry at you, you do…other things.
Igor Suka / Getty Images.
If youre like me, you stand at the kitchen counter fuming while chopping onions for tonights dinner.
I mean, even their breathing is infuriating.
If you’re free to relate, you are far from alone.
Most of us dont spell it out when angry or upset.
Instead, we drop more subtle signs.
Why do we do this?
And how to best break through the shenanigans and talk more directly about how we are feeling?
Here, well answer these questions, and more.
But its important to learn to recognizeand also addresssigns of anger or upset in your partner.
Sometimes these signs are subtle, and sometimes they are more overt.
They seem to feel as if they do not have time for anything else.
Its like theyve put up a wall between you.
Your partner may also respond with short, clipped answers, or even stop talking altogether, Legere says.
Its like theyre trying to put physical or emotional space between you.
Changes in Body Tone and Body Language
Your partnersbody languageis likely to change when they are mad.
Maybe their words seem normalbut the way they say them feels cold, sarcastic or dismissive, Legere notes.
They might snap at you for something that normally wouldnt bother them, Legere says.
This can happen when theyre upset, but cant fully express whats really bothering them.
Legere explains that often, partners simply dont know how to put their feelings into words just yet.
Moreover, they may be anxious about how you will react.
Past experiences orlearned behaviormay also impact their ability to communicate overtly, she shares.
Recognizing this can help you approach the situation gently and with understanding, she describes.
It can be a tough place for you to be in as a partner.
Always conduct yourself with an attitude of openness and kindness with your partner, Cangialosi recommends.
Approach your partner with a calm tone, letting them know that you are ready to listen without judgement.
Validation
Validationis the name of the game.
Anger Vs.
Abusive and controlling behavior should not be tolerated, period.
Sometimes it can be challenging to tell the difference, though.
These emotions are not constant and they shouldnt feel targeted to you.
Instead, they should be more like a reaction to something more specific.
With an upset partner, theres usually room for discussion and things can be worked through, Legere emphasizes.
Contacting a licensed mental health professional is a good first step.
For more mental health resources, see ourNational Helpline Database.
But its just the start.
The key is being able to navigate them honestly and with understanding.
Sometimes this means getting help from a mental health professional, such as a couples therapist.
American Psychological Association.Control anger before it controls you.
2018;6:e4831.
2025;16(2):192-201. doi:10.1177/19485506231209076
