It happens to everyone!
All your other friends were there too, your stomach sinks…did they forget about you?
Being excluded from plans, or just feeling left out, can be downrightpainful.
Michela Buttignol / Getty Images
Such feelings can send us into a spiral of worries: Why werent we invited?
What did we do?
Whats wrong with us?
While these situations can feel incredibly personal, rest assured, they usually arent.
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?
As social creatures, humans thrive on inclusion, he says.
Where exactly does this fear come from?
Dr. Kane says it can derive from early life experiences, such as frequently being left out in childhood.
When you name your emotions, you regain a sense of control over them, Dr. Kane says.
This, in turn, helps us more effectively handle our feelings.
To label youremotions, consider journaling them out.
Sometimes things simply get overlooked or plans change all of a sudden, she says.
Reaching out can wipe the air and ease any of your racing thoughts.
Remember that its better to ask than to stress over what might not even be true.
Is it because of adeeper insecurityin this particular relationship?
The reality is, others might not even realize were feeling excluded.
Speaking up for yourself and communicating your desire to join in can be very empowering, Murray says.
Voicing our needs is the best way to have them met.
Plus, this allows others to understand how they can best support us moving forward.
Building ourself-confidenceis essential in overcoming these worries and creating a better self-concept.
Remind yourself of your unique qualities and the value you bring to relationships, Dr. Kane says.
Surround yourself with supportive people who appreciate you for who you are.
Engage in Self-Care
Strong feelings can take a toll on our physical and emotional well-being.
Thats why taking care of ourselves is of utmost importance.
Murray says, Resist the urge to push through the feelings that are coming uptheyre communicating something to you.
Sometimes, theyre telling you to slow down and give yourself a break.
If we notice a pattern of feeling left out, we can empower ourselves by taking charge.
As humans, we all have a natural tendency to belong, to be excluded.
In these situations, its important to be kind to ourselves and observe the situation curiously.
By acknowledging our feelings and taking action, we can better cope with the fear of being left out.
Worries around being left out are normal, and they dont mean we are flawed in any way.
Hsu DT, Jarcho JM.
“Next up for psychiatry: rejection sensitivity and the social brain”.Neuropsychopharmacology.
2021;46(1):239-240. doi:10.1038/s41386-020-00802-9
Norris CJ.
The negativity bias, revisited: Evidence from neuroscience measures and an individual differences approach.Soc Neurosci.
2021;16(1):68-82. doi:10.1080/17470919.2019.1696225
