It’s about actively processing and seeking to understand the meaning and intent behind them.
It requires being a mindful and focused participant in the communication process.
It also makes the other person feel heard and valued.
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When you practice active listening, you are fully engaged and immersed in what the other person is saying.
This involves the use of certain strategies or techniques.
Here are seven active listening techniques to consider.
Be Fully Present
Active listening requires being fully present in the conversation.
and giving your full attention to the speaker.
This is a power skill in deeply connecting and sitting with anothers emotions," says Romanoff.
Place your focus on your conversation partner and let everything else slip away.
If they talk fast, for instance, this could be a sign that they are nervous or anxious.
If they talk slowly, they may be tired or trying to carefully choose their words.
During active listening, your non-verbal behaviors are just as important.
To show the person you’re truly tuned in, use open, non-threatening body language.
This involves not folding your arms, smiling while listening, leaning in, and nodding at key junctures.
Keep Good Eye Contact
When engaged in active listening, makingeye contactis especially important.
This tells the other person that you are present and listening to what they say.
It also shows that you aren’t distracted by anything else around you.
To keep this from happening, follow the 50/70 rule.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Asking “yes or no” questions often produce dead-end answers.
This isn’t helpful during active listening as it keeps the conversation from flowing.
Instead, ask open-ended questions to show that you are interested in the conversation and the other person.
Open-ended questionsencourage thoughtful, expansive responses, which is why they are often used by mental health therapists.
Reflect What You Hear
After the person has spoken, tell them what you heard.
This active listening technique ensures that you’ve captured their thoughts, ideas, and/oremotionsaccurately.
It also helps the other person feel validated and understood while keeping any potential miscommunications to a minimum.
One way to reflect what you’ve heard is to paraphrase.
If you’d like to better understand something the person has said, ask for clarification.
But don’t focus so much on insignificant details that you miss the big picture.
Being patientinvolves not trying to fill periods of silence with your own thoughts or stories.
It also requires listening to understand, not to respond.
That is, don’t prepare a reply while the other person is still speaking.
Also, don’t change the subject too abruptly as this conveys boredom and impatience.
Here is an example of a conversation in which several different active listening techniques are used.
I’m upset and don’t know who to talk to.
Jodie:No problem!
Tell me more about what happened.
I’m still so angry.
Jodie:Oh that’s tough.
You sound upset that you’re not speaking because of it.
(reflecting what was heard)
Lisa:Yes, she just makes me so angry.
She assumed I would help her plan this elaborate partyI don’t have time!
It’s like she couldn’t see things from my perspective at all.
Jodie:Wow, that’s too bad.
How did that make you feel?
(another open-ended question)
Lisa:Frustrated.
Maybe a bit guilty that she had all these plans, and I was the one holding them back.
Finally, I told her to do it without me.
But that’s not right, either.
Jodie:Sounds complicated.
I bet you need some time to sort out how you feel about it.
(withholding judgment)
Lisa:Yes, I guess I do.
Thanks for listeningI just needed to vent.
It can affect your relationships, your work, and your social interactions.
This is especially important when the other person is emotionally distressed.
It helps keep you from offering opinions and solutions when the other person really just wants to be heard.
It helps you understand problems and collaborate todevelop solutions.
It also showcases your patience, a valuable asset in the workplace.
In some cases, active listening while on the job can help improve workplace safety.
People who are active and empathic listeners are good at initiating and maintaining conversations.
Active listening helps others feel more emotionally supported.This can be beneficial when interacting with a person who hassocial anxiety.
Or maybe you want to improve your own active listening skills so you don’t do this to others.
Other options include engaging in social skills training or reading self-help books on interpersonal skills.
Keep in Mind
Active listening is an important social skill that has value in many different configs.
Practice its many techniques often and it will become second nature.
If you find active listening techniques difficult, consider what might be getting in your way.
Are you experiencing social anxiety during conversations or do you struggle withattention?
Frequently Asked Questions
Active listening helps you build trust and understand other people’s situations and feelings.
In turn, this empowers you to offer support and empathy.
Unlike critical listening, active listening seeks to understand rather than reply.
The goal is for the other person to be heard, validated, and inspired to solve their problems.
The three A’s of active listening are attention, attitude, and adjustment.
Attention entails being fully tuned in to the speaker’s words and gestures.
The proper attitude is one of positivity and open-mindedness.
Reflection is the active listening technique that demonstrates that you understand and empathize with the person’s feelings.
In mirroring and summarizing what they’ve said, they feel heard and understood.
There are numerous ways to improve your active listening skills.
One is to watch skilled interviewers on talk and news shows.
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