I brushed it off at first.
All friendships go through ups and downs.
But I couldn’t ignore the facts forever.
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It wasnt easy, but I finally had to admit she was just being a bad friend.
We’ve all found ourselves in this punch in of situation at one point or another.
“It can prevent problems from worsening and clear up misunderstandings.
It can help you let go of resentment.
Telling someone they are being a bad friend can be uncomfortable.
Before you broach the topic, venture to examine the situation objectively.
Youll be better prepared to approach this conversation if you give yourself time to think clearly.
Identifying Signs of a Bad Friend
Friendshipsplay a big part in our lives.
They can lift us up and give us theencouragementwe need when we need it most.
But not all friendships are equal or even healthy.
Evidence suggests that high-quality friendships are a key predictor of well-being.Unfortunately,maintaining these connectionsisn’t always easy.
Some friendships end as life changes or people grow, but sometimes they end because of perceived transgressions.
It’s normal for friendships to ebb and flow.
However, neglect becomes a problem when it becomes a pattern.
Why Friendships End
Evidence suggests that physical distance is the most common reasons why people end friendships.
Other common reasons include slowly growing apart over time, having differing values, and betrayal.
Do they only reach out when they need something?
Are they constantly dismissing how you feel?
They constantly complain, dwell on the negative, and criticize others.
Just being around them becomes a source of sadness and distress.
“Its totally normal to share struggles or ventthats part of being in a healthy friendship.
They Never Support You
A good friend cheers you on and celebrates your successes.
They Make It All About Them
Friendships are about give and take.
Imbalancedpower dynamicscan negatively affect friendships and individual well-being.
They Betray Your Trust
Trustis the foundation of anyhealthy relationship.
you might’t Rely on Them
Things happen, and even the best-laid plans have to change sometimes.
They Are Critical or Dismissive
Good friends value you for who you are.
A bad friend belittles, criticizes, and disrespects you.
If your interactions make you feel worse about yourself, consider it a majorred flag.
They Dont Respect Your Boundaries
Boundarieslet others know what you are willing to accept in a relationship.
A bad friend will keep crossing those lines, even when you’ve made your feelings clear.
Be specific about what you think and what you feel about your friend’s behavior.
Move beyond anger and identify the underlying emotions.
Stay calm, curious, honest, and kind.
have a go at be honest about your goals before having this conversation.
Before you broach the subject with them, you’re gonna wanna know your intentions.
you might prepare for this conversation by writing down specific examples of how their behavior has hurt you.
Consider each situation, how it affected you, and other circumstances that might have affected their behavior.
You want to get your message across, but you don’t want to trash the relationship beyond repair.
This can be a heavy conversation, so allowing time to process and respond thoughtfully is key.
Ways to Approach the Topic
So, how do you approach the topic in the first place?
People are more likely to listen when they dont feel attacked,” she suggests.
She also notes that “I” statements are key.
Initiate the conversation by telling them how much you value the friendshipwhich also includes wanting to make it stronger.
Remember, you wouldn’t fight for the friendship if it didn’t mean a great deal to you.
Lead with this if you want the friendship to continue.
It helps to frame the issue as one of concern rather than criticism.
This empathetic approach conveys that you care while still maintaining the honesty it’s crucial that you convey.
“Avoid labeling your friend or calling them a ‘bad friend.’
Do not tell them what is wrong with them or how they should think,” Dr. Kass says.
Then, let them know how they might deal with that situation in the future.
Dr. Kass suggests keeping the focus on common ground and mutual accountability.
Again, be specific.
Focusing on specific improvements can help your friend see there are ways they can work on the relationship.
“After sharing your concerns, give them space to respond.
Maybe they didnt realize how their behavior was impacting you.
Or maybe theyve been dealing with something you didnt know about,” she says.
Handling Different Reactions
Its also important to be prepared for various reactions.
The hope is that theyll be responsive, but the reality is that they might also become emotional ordefensive.
“Leave room for your friend to say they can meet your expectations.
Allow time and space for problem-solving and negotiations,” Dr. Kass says.
Deciding on the Future of the Friendship
So, what happens next?
Well, that depends on how they respond and how you feel.
After this kind of conversation, your friend might evaluate your behavior and feel remorseful.
The result (hopefully) is that they make a consistent effort to improve the relationship.
When that happens, the friendship might improve or even grow closer.
Unfortunately, that outcome might not always be possible.
Ask yourself:
Walking away from a friendship can be absolutely heartbreaking.
But its also a way of honoring yourself.
You deserve relationships that feel supportive.
It’s hard to find healthy relationships when the unhealthy ones are taking up all the space.
Keep in Mind
Telling someone they are a bad friend is tough.
It takes bravery and compassion.
The thing is, healthy friendships can withstand tough conversations.
Great friendships aren’t built on filtering your thoughts or changing who you are to maintain harmony.
It’s about being true to yourself and to each other.
It also means showing that the relationship really means something to you.
Published online October 3, 2024. doi:10.1177/08862605241265418
