The ins and outs of family estrangement
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Family dynamics can be complicatedat best.
So complicated that we might want to cut our losses and go no contact.
You’re certainly not alone if you feel this way.
Natalia Lebedinskaia / Getty Images
In fact, a growing number of us are becoming estranged from our biological family.
Some say it’s because of past trauma and political differences, others cite differingparenting stylesand emotional distance.
Perhaps, a combination of both.
Ultimately, why we choose to distance ourselves from our families is complex and personal.
As if its automatically bad to keep yourself safe.
But choosing to become estranged is a decision many don’t take lightly.
Below, we look at some common reasons for estrangement and how you could navigate the process.
Causes of Estrangement
Why a person may choose to pursue estrangement varies.
In any relationship, we exist on a spectrum from high contact to low contact to no contact.
I think it kind of feels like this is something I have to do to preserve myself.
For somebody to step away from a family member, there’s this pressure and shame.
Other Potential Causes of Estrangement
The process of estrangement is rarely cut and dry.
Some just have no idea.
Sometimes, it’s because the child is telling them and they’re not accepting it.
Psychological Effects of Estrangement
Estrangement can lead to a variety of positive and negative mental health effects.
For some, it brings feelings of sadness,grief, and a loss of control.
Over time, these feelings will dwindle but anger and sadness will remain at lower rates.
Instead of rushing towards estrangement, Dixon recommendssetting boundariesand expectations in your relationships.
Coping With Estrangement
What does coping with estrangement look like?
Reconciling With Estranged Family
Ifreunificationor reconciliation is a goal, Coleman recommends communicating expectations and a timeline.
But they often don’t give the parent a timeline, he says.
And sometimes with therapy, changed behavior, and forgiveness, they can.
Chat with a therapist, set boundaries with your family, communicate your expectations, and go from there.
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