Sexual shame is everywhere, but that doesnt mean itshouldbe.
Theres no one-size-fits-all approach to pleasure.
If its consensual and doesnt harm anyone, theres no reason to feel embarrassed.
Meng Yiren / Getty Images
There are an infinite number of kinks, turn-ons, and sexual preferences certainly too many to list here.
But here are a few broad categories that your desires might fall into.
Role-Playing
Ever fantasized about pretending to be someone else in bed?
Some people enjoy the thrill of surrendering control, while others love taking charge in the bedroom.
If consensual impact-play, restraints, or dominance/submission dynamics turn you on, theres no reason to feel ashamed.
The area is rich in nerve endings, making it highly pleasurable for many people.
Whether its fingers, toys, or penetration, anal play is just another way to experience pleasure.
Fetishes for Specific Body Parts
We all have body parts that we might prefer over others.
Think about it: Foot fetishes are almost a punchline nowadays.
Other body parts that are common fetishes include armpits, ears, noses, knees… basically, anything!
Sometimes, degradation kinks might include name-calling, spitting, punishments like spanking, and more.
Non-Penetrative Sex
Not all sex needs to include penetration!
Some people prefer outercourselike dry humping, grinding, or sensation play.
These activities can be just as satisfying as traditional intercourse and shouldnt be dismissed as less than penis-in-vagina sex.
Fantasy Exploration
Maybe you have a thing for threesomes,cuckolding, or unusual sexual parameters.
As long as yourfantasiesare consensual, theres nothing wrong with themeven if they stay in the realm of fantasy.
The key is consent and communication.
What works for you and your partner is what mattersnot societal norms or what anyone else thinks.
What Is Kink Shaming?
Why Does Kink Shaming Happen?
Often, it stems from misinformation, fear of the unknown, or societaltaboos surrounding sexuality.
Additionally, Scott says, there are a lot of myths and misconceptions around kink.
For example, many people think acting on kinks can be unhealthy, unsafe, or harmful.
Between porn and media depictions of kink, we get a pretty limited view of what kink can be.
Purity culture is the societal belief that your sexual purity determines your worth.
And when werepress ourselves sexually, we might reinforce our sense of shame around it, Scott says.
As you could imagine, this shame can be mentally exhausting.
But moving towards kink-positivity can be tricky.
Freeing yourself from sexual shame often takes a long time, Hamilton says.
Be patient with yourself.
Be patient with yourself.
Indulging your curiosity can be a fun, new, exciting way to connect with yourself and others.
At the same time,honest communicationis essential for a satisfying and fulfilling sex life.
Tools like the yes/no/maybe list can help you and your partner identify shared interests in a structured way.
Bottom Line
Sexual preferences and kinks are as diverse as the people who enjoy them.
Int J Sex Health.
2021;33(4):478-493. doi:10.1080/19317611.2021.1966564
